Remember that time I said I was going to do 90 days alcohol free? Yea that’s kinda fizzled out. I feel like I have failed, and I don’t think I’m being fair on myself. I have great friends here who support me whether I decide to drink or not, and I’m so grateful for that. I am still monitoring my alcohol consumption, and trying to do at least 5 days a week without alcohol.
In the time I was doing the challenge, I learned a lot about myself. I sang karaoke SOBER! I learned it’s possible to go out and not drink, and people don’t actually care that much. One of the hardest things for me was saying no, and the anticipation of the reaction or negative comments I would get. Isn’t it mental that people will judge us for not putting poison in our bodies, especially in England. The culture around alcohol and drinking needs to change. I want to be more conscious and mindful when I’m drinking, and not just drink to get drunk.
Being in Vietnam, quitting the internship, essentially being homeless, all of these things lead me to drink. When I was staying in a hostel in Hanoi, they had free beer every day (FREE). In Ho Chi Minh they handed out free shots in the hostel (FREE). They don’t hand out free lemonades or a free Redbull, in fact for the most part here it’s more expensive not to drink alcohol; I find that baffling.
I am in a number of Facebook support groups for people trying to reduce alcohol consumption or abstain completely. The question always pops up of whether to moderate or abstain (some people even think alcohol free beer is cheating). I see people posting their accomplishments of 1,2,3,4 years alcohol free and I’m envious. I know I feel amazing when I don’t drink but it’s almost like there is something missing, I guess that’s the way addiction and cravings work.
I’ve decided to try and moderate. Most of the people in those Facebook groups are much older than me, and I think the fact I’m becoming conscious of my alcohol consumption at the age of 27 means I have time on my side. I hope that alcohol hasn’t done any serious damage to my body (yet), and I hope eventually I can be abstinent from drinking alcohol. But for the time being, I am going to drink. I am going to read quit lit (books about alcohol), listen to Podcasts, read people’s posts on Facebook and try and gradually change my mindset. I still see alcohol as the enemy, and one day I will be able to live an alcohol free life, but today isn’t that day *sips beer at the airport*