Alcohol & Anxiety

Do you know what I’m starting to realise about alcohol? It’s so contradictory. You drink to make yourself feel better but actually you just end up feeling worse. When I drink because I’m anxious in a social situation, the anxiety subsides the more drinks I have, then comes back 10x as bad when I’m hungover. It saddens me when I think of the days wasted to hangovers either spent shaking and crying with anxiety, or with my head in the toilet.

And it’s not even just the hangover that makes you anxious. It’s the ‘what did I say last night’ or the random flashbacks, or when you check your bank balance and your hearts sinks a little because of the stupid money you’ve spent. I feel like my mindset towards alcohol is shifting. I can also sense a change in my mindset towards myself; I want to have more gratitude and be kinder to myself (and my body).

I’ve spent the last 6 days in Da Nang, an hour flight from Hai Phong where I am now living. It gets warmer the further South you get, so it was sunny most of the time there. I decided before arriving I would treat this as a holiday and have therefore paused my 90 days alcohol free. I am going to add 6 days at the end to compensate for it. I originally felt like a bit of a cheat, but actually this is my journey so I shouldn’t feel bad about doing it my way.

I had such an awesome time in Da Nang; partied on the beach until 5am, swam in the sea, Ava nearly got taken by a riptide and Charlie saved her #hero, parasailed, surfed, played volleyball, did some yoga, sang in a karaoke bar, saw some monkeys, visited a temple that brought me to tears. It was Tết (Vietnamese New Year) on Friday so I got to have another NYE which I spent in the Fairytale like city of Hoi An; I have to admit the Vietnamese know how to celebrate.

There has been some excessive boozing and I’m looking forward to getting back on the detox in Hai Phong, starting with a 30 day yoga challenge (‘Home’ on YouTube by Yoga with Adriene).

It’s amazing to me that I didn’t know anyone here less than 3 weeks ago and now I have so much love for these people. I’m so grateful for this experience and the fact I have the opportunity to do so many amazing things in my life. Happy new year, 2020 is the year of the rat, and I think it might just be my favourite year yet.

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